Synchronization of Us

I mean his top says it all

(That is him saying cheese to the camera)

“Ras-cal:
(Ras-kuhl)noun.One who is playfully mischievous and manages to get away with it.Trickster, troublemaker ,prankster. “

I feel like my emotions are all over the place this morning , I am sure a big part is to do with it being that time of the month but the bigger part is me and my dislike for change.
It is official I guess, hubby starts a part time job this week . Only 16 hours but its on top of his already demanding and time consuming phd . He cannot keep it up so it is temporary till I can find a job . I want to cry even thinking about that , I am not sure if either Ru or I are ready for that sort of seperation yet . I cannot do evening or weekends just now (because of Craig going to France soon) , thankfully it only needs to be 16 hours a week (to get working family tax credits ) but I feel sick at the thought of it .
I made an appointment at the job centre on Friday to talk to them but could not go . I feel embarresed and like a complete failure just going in there . “Signing on“ is something kids or desperate people do you know? (I know this is not true and it is to help those seeking work. I just cannot get over my own hang ups.

I am also flip flopping over what to do when (if) this flat actually sells and starting to think renting rather than buying again would be better in the short term . Is that just completly crazy? . For a few reasons mainly , first not worrying about ending up homeless when selling here . Then comes the big what will happen in 2012 question when Craig finishes his phd . If he is jobless for a while then we can get help with rent , if we have to move it is simply a case of getting out of the lease not trying to sell or carry an extra mortage.
But do we really want to take a step back and be throwing or money away each month?

I’m having to many thoughts for 8am on a Sunday morning.

Today should brighten me up as we are having a much needed family day , lunch out then a trip to a transport museam just the 5 of us. I cannot think of anything I would rather do

It is 5.30am and what are you doing? Sleeping I hope

Girls both woke up at 5am fighting over ,well I am not sure what they were fighting over (I think Eilidh may have been touching Rebecca, the horrors) . We all lay snuggled on the couch , both girls chatting a million miles an hour while I tried to refuse the wake up call.
I put cartoons on which shut them up for all of 2 minutes .After a short magic show from Eils (ok it was funny) the girls decided to play with jigsaws . That would normal be good , lately they spend a lot of time doing that and it keeps them quiet and occupied . Not today it seems , the girls think it is funny to leave the puzzles lying around (so Ru gets to them) or carry them around the rooms dropping and hiding pieces as they do and then when they cannot complete the puzzles they scream.
Now they seem to have cheered up , hopefully will keep them happy for a bit and I can doze. Ru slept great again, only one quick feed at 9pm and nothing since then.

Why does Eilidh have to be so loud ?

I am bored , to much free time today so after having a blackberry for over a year I have decided to look out this blogging from my phone thing. Hope it works

Blogging because i have not done so in days .

Im energyless these days and i have no idea why , Ru is sleeping well (he slept all night last night although was up for a few hours with Eilidh) . I get a nice break every afternoon but come the evening i am exhausted . I feel like i am going to bed earlier every evening , last night turning in at only 8 o’clock .
This morning i feel like a zombie and am tempted to take a nap this afternoon when the kids are at nursery , problem with that is i will not be able to sleep tonight . Leaving me even more tired tomorrow - an endless cycle .

Feel so many changes are coming our way , have had to give up studying due to financial reasons (and the reality of not being able to apply to uni for a few years so was best waiting , going to do some Open University work) . Craig is away to France for his first 6 week block end of April and i don’t know how any of us will manage without him .
He may be starting back his old part time job on top of his Phd which means no family time , im having to start job hunting but its so difficult with the kids . Childcare would cost a fortune.

Otherwise kids are well , Ru feel out his cot a few days ago and cut his little face up but is recovering well (and his cot has not been lowered down so hopefully will not happen again) . Girls are obsessed with jigsaws just now and mummy is not complaining as they spend hours just sitting at the back table doing them . Means less mess , fighting and more time for relaxing and playing with Ru (although Ru did manage to head-but me at the weekend leaving a nice bruise on my cheek) .

Going to go and take a look at the job centre website now , really just don’t want to work i guess .

(My Wordless Wednesday on Thursday post :))

Love this shot , love this boy . He was waiting impatiently for his nightly bath , watching a little tv to pass some time.

On Saturday he turned 17 months . Its been 17 months since i first held him . He is awesome and wonderful , it is a constant battle but i love it . He is learning something new everyday .I watch him in wonder as he learns how to climb a slide and go down the other end without help , smile as he climbs a table and points outside in fascination. New words , new experiences , new talents .

What will the next 17 months bring?

Posting before i change my mind lol

Turn up your speakers and listen to Rebecca sing to her brother around the dinner table. Captures her voice perfectly , its very quiet and hoarse sounding but to us it is as amazing as can be .

By the light of the moon
when all is quiet and still
my baby is at my breast
contentedly drinking his fill
I am happy to sit here and quietly feed
to give my baby all that he needs
to grow and one day to be big and be strong
knowing in the blink of an eye he’ll be grown and be gone

I dream of his future, an unwritten book
How will he act?
How will he look?
I want for him a myriad of things
not silver or gold or big diamond rings
but laughter and love,
health, happiness and joy
these are the treasures I want for my boy.

I sit and I dream and I hold in my heart
The time I spend giving him the best possible start.

(Picture all mine , Poem not so much …taken from here and written by nochola)