There was what may or may not be a terrorist attack at our local airport this afternoon, a burning truck was driven into the terminal . Read about it here .
Even when the bombings in London happened it was still so far away for me, it was horrible but did’t effect me right ? . This is practically in my doorstep and more than likely would fly from Glasgow Airport when going on holiday, thank god no one was hurt though.
Picture the scene - Rebecca, Eilidh and i sitting around the dinner table tucking into a lovely Hot Bacon Salad with Baked Potato’s for dinner. Eilidh in her high chair and Rebecca in her booster seat.
Rebecca starts getting fussy, she is crying and trying desperately to get out her seat. Me the bad mum just think she is playing up and tell her to stop and eat her dinner. She sort of leans forward and i recognise the face she is making - its the poo face , and yes she was currently diaper free.
I grab her out the seat and take her to the toilet where she proceeds to finish her “business” . I go and clean up the mess she left behind and we go back to dinner.
I still feel so bad about it, she was clearly telling me she needed out to go to the toilet but i was just ignoring the signs. She never once told me she was needing the toilet so I’m blaming that, but i think she was to upset to talk. Isn’t it funny
how once upon a time pre-kids someone poo-ing in the middle of dinner would be enough to completely put you off your food? These days its just normal.
On a completely different note, is anyone else completely desperate to get there hands on the Spice Girl tickets? I went to see them with my sister when they were big originally and would so love to go again.
Today DH and i decided to take the girls out for a nice lunch, we planned to go to the restaurant we both worked in (and where we met) . It was recently taken over by new management and we were both wanting to take a look, in the end we stayed for about 5 minutes as while it looked nice there was only 1 high chair available and there was little to choose from on the menu. We headed of to another restaurant in town.
I guess i should be over the shock by now but it gets to me every time - Just how much can Eilidh eat. The girls had spaghetti blognaise and garlic bread with peas (stolen from daddy) and Eilidh eat about as much if not more than Rebecca. The girls were having a fondue platter (donuts, brownies and the fruits for Eils)for desert and it toke ages to arrive, Eilidh through such a fit and to keep her happy was feeding her tiny spoonfuls of ice cream. How much of a bad mum am i 
I gave them a simple dinner of cheese mashed potato’s with veg and she eat that up to - of course she ended up throwing up after her bath , even for her she eat alot today.
Its been another week of milestones for my little angel - She can now get herself down from a standing position to a sitting position, she managed to sit herself in one of Rebecca’s chairs the other day (the blue laugh and learn one) and even more amazing. SHE TOOK A STEP, yes a step all by herself. Now she was probably solo for about a second and it was to get to food (of course) but i was just amazed , Rebecca never started doing that till about 17 months. I don’t think she is going to be walking in the next few weeks or anything but i have a feeling it will not be to far off - how funny is that? (For those new to the blog, my eldest walked at 20 months )
I got the girls weighed today.
Eilidh is 16lb 13oz (48th Centile) and 27inch long (81st Centile)
Rebecca os 21lbs 7oz (5th Centile) and 32.3 inch long (20th Centile)
Both are gaining ok, i on the other hand have actually managed to lose - 10lbs since starting my diet two weeks ago YIPEE
It was so hard to find a shot to use this week, after taken so many pictures around Rebeccas birthday i was camera tired. I have only just over 100 shots from the past week and thats before i go through them and delete ones i don’t like. That being said there is something i really like about this one, its a common picture around my house. Rebecca getting a snack and sharing them with her sister. They both go crazy over these yoghurt covered dried fruit snacks.
Now head over to Picture This for more best shots.
Day 17 – 23 It was recover time now, she was doing better each day and started taking some of her feeds by mouth. Getting to breast feed her for the first time was amazing, she latched on with no problems and that was her started. We were finally getting to hold and snuggle with our daughter. She was moved from an incubator to a “cot” and moved to another room. For the first time since she was born we were able to hold her without asking first – to walk into the room and lift her up felt amazing. I tried to be there for as many breastfeeds as possible, when I wasn’t she got expressed milk and formula when I ran out of milk. She was getting better each day but we still had no idea when she would be coming home
Day 24 – Today Dr Kubba had planned to bring her back into surgery to take a look and
see how things were healing and would hopefully be able to give us an est. of homecoming. It was a long day, he was busy with other more important cases and DH and I just spent the day with Rebecca. Around dinner time he came and it was good news, her throat was healing very well, there was still some joining with the vocal cords but he didn’t want to keep trying to separate them and would see how she was when she was older and possibly operate then. He couldn’t tell us a date for when she could come home, she needed to be taken 100% feeds by mouth and he honestly told us that could be weeks. We finished that discussion and I more or less ran from the room in tears, going to the bathroom to try and calm myself down. Looking back it was silly, I had just been told my daughter was healthy and going to be fine but it had been a hellish few weeks and all I wanted was to be told we were taken our baby home. I really was an emotional mess that night and was beginning to think it would never be over.
Day 25 – DH was working during the day so my MIL took me into the hospital, i knew straight away something was different with Rebecca but somehow it took me a while to realize her feeding tube was gone. Completely by herself she had started rejecting feeds through the tube and only wanted to be fed by mouth, we had a lovely visit during the day and of course came back in the evening. She was doing amazing, recovering quicker that anyone could have hoped and she would breastfeed when I was there and take a bottle when I wasn’t. They knew I wanted to breastfed exclusively and suggested coming in the next day to spend the day and night with her to see how I got on.
Day 26 – We arrived at the hospital nice and early, I got to give Rebecca her first bath and get her dressed for the day. After morning checks we got moved into a room just the two of us. Its hard to describe the next few hours, finally I was alone with my daughter. It was just her and I and I could hold her and feed her as much as we wanted. I lay with her on the bed just watching her, she wanted to feed a lot but I loved it each and everytime. Family members came to visit during the day, my parents getting to hold her for the first time. After everyone left it was just her and I, our first night alone and my first night as a hands on mum. I didn’t get much sleep that night, already you could tell she didn’t want to sleep alone and would fuss everytime I put her down. I spent a lot of the night dozing with her in bed, feeding at least once an hour – both for comfort and building up my supply again. I had been told by the midwifes that I could go and get a bottle anytime I wanted but I was so determined to do it without .
Day 27 – I had a wonderful morning, getting woken up with my daughter’s cries and cuddles. I got to bath her again and get her dressed, they weighed her in the morning and it was then I heard the magical words I had been wanting to here for weeks “If the doctor gives her the all clear she could go home TODAY” , And yes that’s what happened – she was doing wonderfully more than meeting all the requirements needed to go home.
She was giving the ok by the doctors, we were giving a lesson in what to do incase of chocking (just a normal thing done before anyone goes home) and a car seat test and we were sent home. Just like that it was over, 3 days before hand I was in tears thinking we were never getting her home and just like that we were on our way. Carrying her out of the hospital, putting her in the car and taken her to our house to begin our lives as a family are moments that I will never forget.
So that’s, that Rebecca’s story. She was lucky to not have other problems associated with the condition. At one point there was something different with her heart, an extra ventricle but she had the all clear on that at a few months old. She also has some tight joints in one thumb, we had to bend it regularly for the first few months but it seems ok these days. She may need more surgery next summer but for the moment we are just going to enjoy our newly 2 year old and put the past behind us.
Day 5 – To say this day was hard would be an understatement but in some ways it was also a wonderful, wonderful day. She was taken to surgery mid-afternoon; both DH and I went along with the nurses taken her to the theater. That walk was long, hard and letting her go was devastating. I kept thinking how young and small she was and what if she never made it through the surgery, what if I never say my baby again?
DH and I passed the time the best we could, we went a long walk in the nearby park (had mobiles with us incase of any news). We just walked and worried, it was such a lovely sunny day – for a while we just starred at the water barely talking but eventually made our way back to the hospital. There was still no news; she was still in surgery so we stayed about my room doing puzzles and reading, and anything we could to pass the time.
The time was going so slowly and we kept trying to say that was a good thing, we had been told that if anything went wrong they would do the tracheotomy which would be quick so surely a longer surgery would mean good news. It was around dinner time when we were told she was out of surgery, she was alive and doing well but we knew nothing else.
Eventually Dr Kubba came down to talk to us; the surgery had gone better than he hoped. Despite being quite a severe case her body had handled it well and there was no need for a tracheotomy – for the moment. She was on a ventilator and being kept unconscious both which were important for allowing her throat to heal, there was nothing we could do but wait now.
Day 6 to Around Day 17 – It was a long few weeks; she remained on the ventilator for almost 2 weeks. I came home from hospital and DH and I (along with other family) members visited as much as possible. I expressed milk for her around the clock and was so grateful that I could at least do something. To be honest it was quite tough to be around her, she was just so still and unmoving. We could touch her through the incubator and talk to her but it was not the same as holding and playing with our newborn. At time she would come through the sedation a little and we would see her moving and opening her eyes, DH showed just what a natural parent he was as he could just seem to reach out and touch her and she would settle. I found it more difficult I guess.
After a week Dr Kubba took her back into surgery to check how her throat was doing, she was healing well but a tiny part of her vocal cords had started to join again which of course he tried to split. He still wanted her on the ventilator for another few days.
The waiting was the hardest part for us, all I wanted to know was when was she going to come home? , When was she going to be better? Nobody could tell us anything because of course they didn’t know themselves, but each night coming home to an empty home full of baby clothes and cots would break my heart.
At about 17 days old she was taken of the ventilator, and was finally allowed to wake up. Straight away you could tell the difference in her, she was no longer struggling to breath and while her cry was not what you would call normal it was no longer the sound of a kitten.
I cannot quite remember the sequence of events but I know at some point she got an iv in her head, they were having trouble finding a vein so had to shave a patch of her lovely dark hair and put in a needle.
Day 3 – It had a lovely start to it, I went along early to give some expressed milk (around 4/5am I believe) and got to have a lovely long cuddle, I just sat for a couple of hours holding her and letting her suck on my finger. We rocked in the chair and just bonded, she slept and I completely fell in love with her. I remember going back to my room and just lying on the bed smiling, I think for the first time since she was born I felt like a mum.
She was transferred to another hospital that day; the plan was for an ENT surgeon to take a proper look at her throat to see what was causing the difficulties in breathing and crying. Getting the results of that was probably one of the hardest moments in my life, I honestly really believe it was nothing and this would be over very soon.
The surgeon Dr Kubba placed a scope down her throat to see what was wrong, her vocal cords were joined together and she had webbing (known as a glottic web) around her throat. This website gives a little information about it but it’s hard to find information about it.
With her vocal cords joined she would never be able to talk but the webbing was the biggest worry as it was very restrictive to her airways, her air hole was around 10 times smaller than it should be. She would not be able to survive with out surgery, as she got older and more active her body would not be to handle it.
Dr Kubba was going to separate the vocal cords and remove the webbing; cartilage from her ribcage was going to be used to keep the cords apart. Surgery was a big deal with her being so young and we were told that at the first sign of trouble they would perform a tracheotomy , we were made aware of how serious the situation was and that the chance of her getting a tracheotomy was very high. Thankfully it would be temporary (for about a year) but would mean a long hospital stay and a lot of home care for us. He planned the surgery for the Monday (it was Friday) but warned us that they may need to do emergency surgery if she got worse.
We left the room in shock; neither of us were expecting it and went to inform our families. I will always feel so bad for the way I told my parents calling and immediately hanging up in tears, they really must have expected the worse. DH called back and explained to them.
Eventually DH went home, we maybe could of arranged for him to stay but to be honest I think he needed his space that night and in a way so did i. I spent the evening in an emotional mess, my milk came through and I was leaking everywhere and in so much pain still from the birth. One of my most vivid memories from the evening is taking a bath and going along to the common room to watch a Big Brother eviction something I loved doing. I never made it to the end, at that exact moment it seemed to pointless and stupid and completely unimportant. I went back to my room had a wee cry then went and spent some time with my daughter, letting her suck on my fingers in her incubator till she went to sleep.
Day 4 – The weekend passed with no problem, Rebecca remained stable and was doing ok, We just spent what time with her we could taking her out for a cuddle whenever we were allowed. I just remember how much she would struggle for breath sometimes especially when she would get upset.
Here for those interested is the final part to Rebecca’s story, this was both difficult and rewarding for me to write. Getting it down brought back so many memories and i honestly believed helped me. I try to say the situation is nothing - forgotten about and over with now. I have friends both online and off who have lost children, friends who have children who will have illnesses they will never get better from and i feel terrible to complain. I have my happy healthy two year old and what more could i want or need? Its long and alot of details are left out , but its good to finally have the whole story down there to look back on before the details fade any further.
Day 1 and 2 - As any mother can tell you the moment after giving birth is a wonderful experience, the pain just fades away and you finally get to meet the child you have been carrying inside for months. Rebecca was placed on my belly and I was immediately memorized, she had a head full of dark wavy hair and these wide dark eyes that seemed to stare so intensely.
Im not sure how long it lasted, seconds I guess before she was lifted off. The midwife cut the cord – I did ask for DH to do it but was told there was not time and Rebecca was taken to the corner of the room. The room seemed to burst in activity at this point, doctors, midwives – I think I counted around 12 people - while I was helpless in the bed delivering the placenta. I asked over and over again if something was wrong but was told everything was fine (by DH) and to relax by the midwife. I never realized to later that Rebecca was not crying. Im not sure how long passed before the room was emptyed and just DH, My mum, one midwife and I were left, Rebecca was taken along to the special care unit and I had no idea what was going on.
I was given some toast and tea and left to let the rest of the epidural effects ware off before been taken over to see her.
I wish I could now go into a description of how it felt to see her, touch her and maybe even hold her but my memory of that first meeting is completely blank , the only thing I do remember is looking at the weight conversion chart on the door and being completely shocked as she was only 6lbs 13oz – we were told to expect a big baby of at least 8lbs (Its kinda ironic actually we expected Rebecca to be big but she wasn’t, and as she was small we expected Eilidh to be a similar size but she was 8lbs 10oz). She was in an incubator with breathing tubes, she was being fed by tube with combination breastmilk and formula, I was expressing as much as I could.
We spent as much time as we could with her over these days, touching and stroking her and holding her when we could. Her cry was the saddest thing and reminded me so much of a kitten mewing; you could really see her struggling to breathe especially when she got upset. We still had no idea what was really going on and naively thought it was just something silly and she would be fine and out in a few days.
Eilidh seems to be going through a development leap lately, she is now crawling almost 100% on all fours and pulling up on everything she sees. She is trying to cruise but has not quite got the hang of it yet.
She has been pulling up on her cot all week but only last night did she figure out she could do it before going to sleep. She is unable to get herself down yet so of course it took us ages to get her settled , now on a normal night we would of dealt with it but it was suppose to be a very rare night out for DH and i . His mum was here to babysit, we were ready to go but by the time she settled it was to late. It would of made it so much easier if she was’t so cute.
Here you can see how confident she is getting with it, holding on with one hand easily.
Sigh - does she realise she is only 7 months old.
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