Day 5 – To say this day was hard would be an understatement but in some ways it was also a wonderful, wonderful day. She was taken to surgery mid-afternoon; both DH and I went along with the nurses taken her to the theater. That walk was long, hard and letting her go was devastating. I kept thinking how young and small she was and what if she never made it through the surgery, what if I never say my baby again?
DH and I passed the time the best we could, we went a long walk in the nearby park (had mobiles with us incase of any news). We just walked and worried, it was such a lovely sunny day – for a while we just starred at the water barely talking but eventually made our way back to the hospital. There was still no news; she was still in surgery so we stayed about my room doing puzzles and reading, and anything we could to pass the time.
The time was going so slowly and we kept trying to say that was a good thing, we had been told that if anything went wrong they would do the tracheotomy which would be quick so surely a longer surgery would mean good news. It was around dinner time when we were told she was out of surgery, she was alive and doing well but we knew nothing else.
Eventually Dr Kubba came down to talk to us; the surgery had gone better than he hoped. Despite being quite a severe case her body had handled it well and there was no need for a tracheotomy – for the moment. She was on a ventilator and being kept unconscious both which were important for allowing her throat to heal, there was nothing we could do but wait now.
Day 6 to Around Day 17 – It was a long few weeks; she remained on the ventilator for almost 2 weeks. I came home from hospital and DH and I (along with other family) members visited as much as possible. I expressed milk for her around the clock and was so grateful that I could at least do something. To be honest it was quite tough to be around her, she was just so still and unmoving. We could touch her through the incubator and talk to her but it was not the same as holding and playing with our newborn. At time she would come through the sedation a little and we would see her moving and opening her eyes, DH showed just what a natural parent he was as he could just seem to reach out and touch her and she would settle. I found it more difficult I guess.
After a week Dr Kubba took her back into surgery to check how her throat was doing, she was healing well but a tiny part of her vocal cords had started to join again which of course he tried to split. He still wanted her on the ventilator for another few days.
The waiting was the hardest part for us, all I wanted to know was when was she going to come home? , When was she going to be better? Nobody could tell us anything because of course they didn’t know themselves, but each night coming home to an empty home full of baby clothes and cots would break my heart.
At about 17 days old she was taken of the ventilator, and was finally allowed to wake up. Straight away you could tell the difference in her, she was no longer struggling to breath and while her cry was not what you would call normal it was no longer the sound of a kitten.
I cannot quite remember the sequence of events but I know at some point she got an iv in her head, they were having trouble finding a vein so had to shave a patch of her lovely dark hair and put in a needle.
