The Pact
February 5th, 2008 | 
Author: I enjoy reading, i normally have a couple of books on the go at once so i can pick or choose one depending on my mood. Now and then though i pick up a book that has me hooked from the first word and i read nothing but that till its done. The last book to do that to me was the Harry Potter series but last week i picked up a book i had sitting around for a couple of months and finally started it.
That book was The Pact by Jodi Picoult. I know im years behind the times, the book was published almost 10 years ago and im sure everyone has already read it but im i have mentioned before that i have only recently discovered Jodi Picoult.
For those not familiar with the book, its described as “ contemporary tale of love and friendship, Jodi Picoult brings to life a familiar world, and in a single terrifying moment awakens every parent’s worse fear: We think we know our children… but do we ever really know them at all? “ . Its deals with a teen suicide pact gone wrong. For me i found the book incredibly moving and most of emotionally devastating . After reading i lay in bed awake for over an hour the themes running through my head, just why did i feel such a connection to the words - is it the pregnancy and the hormones that go with it or is it the book itself just connecting with my worst fears?
Every day im watching my girls grow , Rebecca’s 3rd birthday is a mere 4 months away now and Eilidh is about to be 15 months. I know there young, still babies but there also not. Rebecca was registered for nursery last week - from mid August she will be going 5 afternoons a week , and this almost breaks my heart. Occasionally i get flashes of my girls through the years - starting school, sleepovers, outings, boyfriends and just want to hide them away. Please if anyone is listening can i just keep them young? For the moment I’m the all powerful mother i keep them safe, i keep them happy and i keep them close.
For today i can kiss away there pain and everything can be made better by a hug. I guess it makes me selfish but i want them to stay this way, i don’t want them to face a world were dangers lurk around ever corner . I have a dream of just packing up and running away, moving my family to the other side of the world to live on a small farming town away from any outside influences.
These thoughts have been running around my head so much lately and I’m thinking the book just brought it to the forefront, I’m terrified of the teenage years. We all think we will be wonderful parents and our children will be the rare breed of perfect behaved teens, they will tell there parents everything and never suffer a moment of angst. What if i cannot always be there for my girls? What if despite everything they feel they cannot talk to there mummy?
What if?
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February 5th, 2008 3:17 pm
I completely understand those fears. They hit me most after having seem something awful in the news, or heard about something awful happening. I actually try to avoid all that stuff — the whole ignorance is bliss thing. I just finished a really good book called “Water for Elephants.” It’s pretty deep, but doesn’t involve stuff about teen suicide. It’s about traveling circuses in the Depression.
February 5th, 2008 5:14 pm
last weekend my daughter’s birthmother came over for a visit. my daughter is 12. my mom asked me - what if Cassie gets mad at you and wants to go live with her one day? - I said that I would be happy that she had a safe place to go with a person who loves her!! we can’t live our lives in the “what ifs”. I am grateful that my children have a lot of people in their lives who love them an that they can talk to.
excellant post and you are an excellant mom!!
February 5th, 2008 7:54 pm
I had the opposite problem. My husband is very religious and he and my daughter took part in a LOT of church activities.
So there I was hitting the movies and hanging out with friends while they were at prayer meetings, bible study and choir practice.
But I tell you something - I get a very good vibe from reading your blog - they’ll talk to you about everything
February 6th, 2008 4:41 pm
My 3 year old’s birthday is in 4 months too, on the 19th. He only goes to Nursery 2 times a week here, it’s sad! I know he’d benefit from more than that, but they only offer it that many times. Unfortunately, it’s not free either, $65 a month, that’s about 120 to you. Sometimes I miss Scotland!
And how jealous am I that you got your kids down so early? Very.
February 6th, 2008 10:07 pm
This post really hit me deep down, Laura. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, too..about what the future holds for my daughter. I too am scared of the teenage years, and wish I could protect her forever. I relish being able to solve all her problems now with a kiss - or a jellybean. ;o)
I haven’t read that book, but all the books I have read by Jodi Picoult have been winners.