Synchronization of Us

I woke at 2am this morning feeling horrible. My head was pounding and my mouth dry as could be, i felt queasy and hurt all over.  No i wasn’t coming down with something but seemed to wake up with  a terrible hangover, now before everybody starts yelling at the computer NO i was not drinking last night  . I think it was due to not drinking anywhere near enough water yesterday so i was becoming dehydrated , i try to drink at least two liters of water (which i normally manage easily) but was out and about and just forgot.

Don’t think it was fair had to suffer through the hell of a hangover without getting the fun part the night before, im still feeling blah this morning so trying to drink as much water as i can.

Isn’t it funny how you can not completely trust your body? How easy it is to mistake one thing for another?

Feeling the baby move  is one of those issues, it varies so much from person to person - heck even from pregnancy to pregnancy and its sometimes difficult to pick out the movement from gas.

Now im NOT feeling the baby move, im only 10 weeks and one of those people who is always cynical when someone this early declares there feeling the baby. Lately though i have been feeling alot of gas bubbles that im pretty sure first time around would have had me convinced it was the baby, im guessing it could be hard to tell the difference but i can still easily tell its not the baby  .  With Rebecca i felt movement around 17/18 weeks and knew exactly what they were, small almost  fluttery movement that would only happen when sitting still and could not be mistaken, Eilidh was slightly later around 20 weeks and started much more obviously (but i had problems with feeling her move through out the whole pregnancy, she was always pretty active but i just couldn’t feel it).

I’m always amazed the amount of mothers especially those with other pregnancies declaring at 10 weeks or even earlier they are feeling the baby move around, i don’t doubt that it does happen now and then but i don’t see how it could possibly be as common as some people declare.

I will never forget a situation on a message board i was once on, the girl was around 10 weeks pregnant and going on and on about feeling baby movement . A few others pointed out how unlikely it was and she jumped on them, it was something like her 5 or 6 pregnancy and she KNEW what she was feeling, she could tell the difference between movement and gas.  The following day she went for a u/s to sadly find out she had miscarried  , the baby has passed a few weeks before hand. This case is tragic and i really felt for her but felt it illustrated the point perfectly , its so easy to read into a situation the wrong way .

Part of me has to wonder whats the big deal, sure we all want to feel our baby moving around but does it matter if it happens at 15 weeks or 20 ? I think its one of these strange pregnancy competition things (like who is bigger, who is having contractions blah blah blah) that stupidly doesn’t stop when the baby is born (yes my 2 day old is already eating steaks for dinner and walking , doesn’t that make me the best mum ever!!!! )

I would love to know when others first felt movement for the first time

Another successful day, amazingly she has not even asked for milk except for that one time at 4am. She went to sleep  fine at night and while a restless night followed it could just be one of those things that happens now and then.

She is napping just now (much later than normal but its dinner at MILs so she will be up later) and even though i brought her to the computer to get her to sleep she never even mentioned them.

She amazed me earlier, i was checking email and she handed me by breastfeeding pillow and i was sure she was going to ask but NOPE she just wanted me to feed all six of her Night Garden toys.

I guess im still in shock how easy its been so far, i was expecting it to be such a difficult adjustment but its been nothing. Can you tell how proud i am of my big girl?

Day one passed and im pleased to say Rebecca has been milkies free since Sunday night .

It started simple, she slept later Monday morning so she didn’t need her nap. She did fall asleep for a short while in the afternoon but was to tired to care about anything. At night firstly DH took her to bed and read to her, she wouldn’t settle though and after 30 minutes or so i took over. I was so proud of my baby because she just curled up in my arms and went straight to sleep not even asking for milk.

I was worried about her waking during the night for a feed, its easy to resist at 7pm but not so easy at 2am. It did happen though, after Eilidh wakes up i normally just stay in the living room as to not disturb Rebecca getting back into bed . At 4am Rebecca came through and curled up with me, immediately asking for Milk. I told her she was a big girl and she just started crying asking for them, thankfully this lasted for maybe a minute because any longer i would of given in - she looked so upset and i just couldn’t do that to her. It passed so quickly though and before i knew it we were both being woken up at 8am by Eilidh banging about in her cot.

Today is another no nap day which makes things easier , im hoping this continues being so easy.

As for me im not sure how i feel about it, i am ready to wean i have no doubts about it . BUT that doesn’t stop me feeling awful , how can a parent justify taken away something that there child not only loves but is good for them? Sigh this growing up business is hard.

I love these ones of Eilidh, she looks so cute and happy.

The other night was getting Eilidh to sleep and found Rebecca passed out when i finished, this is the kid who never puts
herself to sleep. I felt rotten

Rebecca and i doing some art while Eilidh sleeps

974 is not just a random number, this is the number of days since my wonderful daughter was born. 974 days or 139 weeks or 32 months (tomorrow). It’s been an experience that is for sure and honestly I wouldn’t change a second of it.

It’s also a figure for something else, it’s the amount of time I have been breastfeeding. Every day for 974 days Rebecca has taken some mummy’s milk. Even when i was in labor with her sister she still took a feed. For 15 of those months i have been tandem feeding, an amazing experience which i hope to be repeating again in around 31 weeks.

For the moment though i feel its time for Rebecca to wean, i have loved feeding her and has never been ashamed at still feeding my toddler.  I have always believed in the recommendation by the world health organization. They advise breastfeeding should be done for at lease two years and then for as long as both mother and child are happy. 

Here lies my problems Im no longer happy feeding Rebecca, my skin crawls and i spend every second wishing it was over. More than once i have hurt her feelings by refusing or stopping as soon as she started. This is not a new feeling and has been coming and going since last summer, i have kept going with one goal in mind - to have her still breastfeeding this summer when she goes for more throat surgery. This pregnancy has changed that though, my milk supply is decreasing daily and im sure by then i will be more or less completely dry. In my head and my heart i feel its time.

She no longer feeds like crazy in fact 5 days out of 7 she takes two short feeds a day - one before nap and one before bed . I have spoken with my heath visitor about it and she recommend cold turkey which i also feel is the only way to handle it. 

Our sleep time routine at the moment means i go on the computer and feed Eilidh then put her down, Rebecca stays in the living room watching “In the Night Garden”. When Eilidh is down Rebecca gets milk while i read email and gets rocked to sleep in my arms -this is going to be the issue.  For the moment i think we are going to have to break the computer - milk association , after Eilidh is down im going to bring Rebecca into the bed with me and we will read a special bedtime book (to be chosen this week) . Im trying to not take away her mummy time, she still gets the cuddles and special time just not with milkies.

Im not expecting the easiest of times with it, thankfully DH will be able to help if needed in the evenings but i have a feeling naptime will be a struggle. That is the one im dreading, naps are hit and miss as is and im afraid taking the milk away will result in her giving them up altogether. I love naptime.

So we have set a date, Monday the 11th of February. Sunday night she will snuggle in my arms and take what will hopefully be her last breastfeed at 978 days old.  I love the idea of letting her self wean but am aware that the relationship between mother and daughter is more important, i want to be able to cuddle my girl without worrying she will ask for milk.

Eilidh im hoping will continue to feed for at least another year or so, i have no issues with her feeding what’s so ever and really want to be providing her with the benefits till she is at least 2.

My heart is breaking over this even though i know im doing the right thing 

Thinking this pregnancy thing may be true after all, looking through all our food trying to find something - anything - that looks good for lunch. The only thing i want? An egg, cheese and pineapple sandwhich !!!!!

Hopefully will taste as good as it sounds

Edited to add - Best sandwhch EVER , even better after added some salsa to the mix. Only problem is its done and im still hungry and of course used the last egg up so cannot make another.

I enjoy reading, i normally have a couple of books on the go at once so i can pick or choose one depending on my mood. Now and then though i pick up a book that has me hooked from the first word and i read nothing but that till its done. The last book to do that to me was the Harry Potter series but last week i picked up a book i had sitting around for a couple of months and finally started it.

That book was The Pact by Jodi Picoult. I know im years behind the times, the book was published almost 10 years ago and im sure everyone has already read it but im i have mentioned before that i have only recently discovered Jodi Picoult.

For those not familiar with the book,  its described as “ contemporary tale of love and friendship, Jodi Picoult brings to life a familiar world, and in a single terrifying moment awakens every parent’s worse fear: We think we know our children… but do we ever really know them at all? “  . Its deals with a teen suicide pact gone wrong. For me i found the book incredibly moving and most of emotionally devastating .  After reading i lay in bed awake for over an hour the themes running through my head, just why did i feel such a connection to the words - is it the pregnancy and the hormones that go with it or is it the book itself just connecting with my worst fears?

Every day im watching my girls grow , Rebecca’s 3rd birthday is a mere 4 months away now and Eilidh is about to be 15 months. I know there young, still babies but there also not.  Rebecca was registered for nursery last week - from mid August she will be going 5 afternoons a week , and this almost breaks my heart.  Occasionally i get flashes of my girls through the years - starting school, sleepovers, outings, boyfriends and just want to hide them away. Please if anyone is listening can i just keep them young? For the moment I’m the all powerful mother i keep them safe, i keep them happy and i keep them close.

For today i can kiss away there pain and everything can be made better by a hug. I guess it makes me selfish but i want them to stay this way, i don’t want them to face a world were dangers lurk around ever corner . I have a dream of just packing up and running away, moving my family to the other side of the world to live on a small farming town away from any outside influences.

These thoughts have been running around my head so much lately and I’m thinking the book just brought it to the forefront, I’m terrified of the teenage years.  We all think we will be wonderful parents and our children will be the rare breed of perfect behaved teens, they will tell there parents everything and never suffer a moment of angst. What if i cannot always be there for my girls? What if despite everything they feel they cannot talk to there mummy?

What if?

Now i think i have made it pretty clear lately that Rebecca adores In The Night Garden. Today thanks to my mum she is the proud owner of the figure pack , now these are smaller harder toys but she had great fun playing “house” with them. She ended the evening taken them for a walk in the shopping trolley

The problem came at bedtime, the last few nights Upsy Daisy and Iggle Piggle have been cruelly left alone while she curled up with Makka Pakka .

Tonight of course she wanted the figures to cuddle (all 6 of them) , now that was a no no - could you imagine rolling over onto them during the night. After a good old temper tantrum we came to the agreement that the dolls could sit on the bedside cabinet while she took all three soft toys to bed.

She looks so cute curled up with her toys looking over her.

And yes just incase anyone notices the time i posted this at - its 6.56pm and both girls are down for the night. Im so tried that i just couldn’t hold out and got them sleeping for about 6.30 .

Been meaning to join in this for a while , go Here of intersted in joining in.

Appetizer
What is your favorite kind of cereal?  I think Speical K Creamy Berrie Crunch but it changes alot.

Soup
When was the last time you purchased something for your home, what was it, and in which room did it go? You know i honestly cannot remember the last time we bought something not edible or clothes, my mum did buy us a toaster a few weeks back as ours broke about a year ago and we had been using the grill since. We just never got around to replacing it

Salad
What is the funniest commercial you’ve ever seen? Cannot think of any, thanks to DVR never watch them. I do remember loving the budwiser frog stuff

Main Course
Make up a name for a company by using a spice and an animal (example: Cinnamon Monkey). Chilli Cat

Dessert
Fill in the blank: I haven’t _slept all night_ since _2007_.

I’m either very late of early with this but as explained in my previous post i have had some other stuff on my mind. Of course to add to my (all day) morning sickness is a teething Eilidh AGAIN. The first two teeth came in on the bottom no problem but these tops one are causing nothing but problems, you can tell how much pain she is in just by looking at the gums which blister horribly before the tooth breaks through.

This week for me has been mostly about Rebecca, she seems to be extra funny lately and has be it fits of giggles all the time. 2 1/2 is seriously the best age EVER.

- Some of the stuff she has been doing have been finding Daddies earphones and putting them on her ears and doing this silly dance and making a little tune, doing sound effects for everything (like its no longer just bath, its bath then sound of running water) , finishing her breakfast in the morning and trying to walk around with the bowl on her head , putting (clean) underwear on her head as a hat. I really could go on and on ,that girl keeps giving me the warm fuzzes this week.

- Yesterday we took the girls out to spend some Christmas money, Eilidh got a cuddly Po (from the Tellytubbies) and Rebecca a talking Makka Pakka (from In The Night Garden). Rebecca just loves Makka and her previous favorites Upsy Daisy and Iggle Piggle were left on the kitchen floor when she went for nap today cuddling Makka Pakka. Eilidh on the other hand just ignores Po and seems to not want to be near it - we really should of got her something from In The Night Garden To but that would of caused so many arguments .

- Speaking of shopping taken two toddlers to a toy shop sans pram and being left with them alone while Daddy pays for the toys is NOT A GOOD IDEA. They both really found it great fun to run in different directions away from mummy .

- Rebecca has started what im sure is a lifetime obsession , she is all about pennies these days. She LOVES money and seems to have collected a decent amount by purely begging/stealing the moment she hears that jangling of coins. She has her Dora purse and handbag stolen from mummy. Her pockets are normally full of pennies and she loves to spend time moving them from one place to another. Of course while out she always wants to pay for the purchase with her pennies.

- Lately Rebecca has started happily keeping hats on and putting her hood up. I just love this and so hope she is just as happy to do it during the summer. I love little sun hats.

And just cause i can a couple of pictures, is that coat not the cutest thing EVER