Synchronization of Us

In Brief It ran late so we were late home - its 7.40 and kids are just getting out the bath (there normally sleeping for 7)

Basically went as expected, surgeon wants to take a look at her throat and see how its looking . Was slightly concerned about the way she wheezes when running around but it also could be asthma (need to speak to health visitor about that) , we are on the waiting list so should hear something within 3 months. It will be a simple day patient procedure under general anesthetic , just putting a scope down and taking pictures. Afterwards we will discuss the next move…

They do think they may be a problem with her hearing which could be another part of the speaking problem, the quickly checked her ears and thought they looked narrowed (what ever that means) . She was sent for a bigger hearing test involving pictures and dancing dogs . I thought she done well but according to the surgeon her hearing was just ok - they want to test again and look at it more when she is in next. Kind through us for a loop as we were not expecting it , she is not deaf but maybe has difficulties hearing different sounds ? Would explain alot of differences in her behavior i think. Then again  it could be nothing.

Well better go, Eilidh needs milk and put to bed.

A date is looming over my head  - the word September makes me shiver and i can hardly think “13th” (My official due date) without feeling scared.

Don’t get me wrong, i cannot wait to meet this little one and complete our family but getting from here to there seems like such a long scary journey . So much will change before “Mac” (As baby will be known for the moment) makes her/his appearance.

Most of it has to do with DH, his final exams are in May . 4 exams that must be passed first time, no resists or second chances - we have faith he will pass and graduation will be in July.

As for what happens afterwards thats the big question , he has applied for a PhD here in Scotland based on the work he has been doing for his final year project  . Ideally he would love to take this, the biggest downfall is the money . It is plenty to live on but not much more than we have coming in just now, we really need to find a bigger home and will really struggle getting a decent mortgage with the PhD.  He has also applied for different apprenticeships in Medical Physics -the downfall is these are in England and Wales but must better paid.

If he gets one of the Medical positions i imagine he will be taking that, that means not only redecorating and selling our current home but finding a new place and moving cross country while in the last few weeks of pregnancy . We would also have no support in this new place and the girls would have no choice but to be at the birth. DH would not be entitled to paternity leave (as just started in the new job) and from day one i would be left alone with my 3 children with no support - terrifying.

They are so many what ifs and i think its the unknown that scares me so much, this summer we are also facing putting Rebecca through more surgery. That scares me more than anything, we have no idea what will happen or how big the surgery will be - the worst case would have her spending time on a ventilator for a few days.  This was hard enough when she was a baby but seeing our vibrant healthy 3 year old like that would be devastating.

If only i had a crystal ball im sure i could relax much easier .

You know im getting so frustrated with my camera, its not even a year old and to put it nicely its a piece of c**p . Ok i know there is something wrong with it, we took replacement insurance for the first year so should really do that and hopefully get it fixed but dh is always so “busy” and its to far for me to go without a car.

Firstly (and the most annoying) , i know point and shoot cameras are not the best at taking quickest shots but there is something seriously wrong with that part . At least a minute it takes for the picture to take and alot of the time its longer, if i must try and get a quicker shot i spend about 5 minutes half pushing the button down then can take one quick shot (anyone with toddlers knows this is a nightmare, trying to get kids to stay in the position for a second is hard enough) . Also the flash is way to much and all the shots look way to bright, trying without a flash is almost impossible in this dark flat and delayed shutter reaction .

So i will share a couple of shots from the last week, none great but the best i have . So disappointed in not getting any decent ones of the girls in there eater dresses and bonnets . Oh and a 16 week belly shot from me - does anyone think i look smaller than i did here at 9 weeks? I must admit im still 2lbs under my pre -pregnancy weight which is wonderful, maybe i will not blow up like a balloon this time.

This Movie seems to be a hot topic right now and im coming across discussions regarding it daily (check out the free download from Netflix i think, im not a member though) . So far i have only watched the first 30 minutes or so (to many nights dealing with a screaming baby led me to pass out around 8.30 last night) and i can already see why its causing people to talk so much.

I have always felt confused at the way the US handles childbirth. The doctors? The Inductions? C-Sections? Im honestly amazed the amount of people induced before there due date for no reason , here it would only happen for medical reasons . Repeat C-Sections are discouraged and of course Midwifes handle everything.

This movie is not the point of the blog post though, im wanting to talk about the “business” of my upcoming birth.

I have mentioned briefly on this blog my desire for a homebirth, this is something i have dreamed about aslong as i can remember (long before Rebecca was born) . I was not brave enough to try with my first and after her problems thought it would never be possible. After Eilidhs birth i started reading and talking to others and started to come to the conclusion that there was no reason i couldn’t have one .

Yesterday i put the wheels in motion with my midwife, for some reason even mentioning it terrified me . Its crazy i know, law states over here that a woman is free to give birth in the place of her choosing - if that is at home then they have to support and provide two midwifes for the labor and birth. Sounds simple but in reality there is not alot of support behind this, alot of scare tactics are used (saying baby is to big/small , mum is at risk for something , anything really) or the plain old not enough staff to cover it so you need to come in . I imagine alot of people are put off by this and agree to the hospital plan but as i said i have spent alot of time reasearching this topic and know to ignore most of what they are saying - im not going to completely ignore them , if there is a genuine reason i was happily birth in hospital “Baby Mac” is whats important.

Yesterday afternoon i also attended a local homebirth support group, it was the first meeting and only 4 of us were present. Its sure to grow with time and it was lovely to spend the time with the other woman - one 6 weeks after her first homebirth and two other pregnant ladies. The group runs ever month and they are many exciting events planned for it - talks from doulas, hypnotherapy couches, reflexology lessons. The NHS (Our health service) is providing a couple of birth pools for the group so im hoping to be able to rent one of those and save myself the £50.

I have spent alot of time thinking about the type of birth i want, this may be our last child (it also may not, at the moment we are leaning towards the last but things may change) and i really want to at least give these dreams ago. I am hoping the baby will be born in the water, and im hoping to be the one to deliver her/him. Unassisted birth is another topic i have time looking into and reading - im not wanting to go 100% as i wish to have the midwifes there “just in case” but im planning to refuse any type of checks and to ask the midwifes to just sit back and leave me in charge  .

So no membrane sweeps, breaking waters, checking for dilation - just me letting my body do its own thing (of course i reserve the right to change my mind on any of these things, but it will be on my terms rather than the midwifes say so).

Part of me is so focused on the birth i forget that after it comes the child and all those terrifying/fun parts

Lately i have been feeling overwhelmed by everything. Honestly life is good, the girls are doing wonderful and the pregnancy is coming along great . There is so much happening between now and my due date that i dread each passing week and getting nearer to the end -at almost 16 weeks the half way mark is looming.

The kids are not giving me a moment, Eilidh is teething horribly and has got 3 molars in the last week - the past two nights she has spent the entire time screaming . She is talking up a storm just today she told me “i love woo” unprompted, kept tickling me and saying “tickle tickle” and handing me objects saying “there go” . She loves to say “Eilidh go” (as in out) and well really to much to list. Becca is Becca and also getting better and better with her speech, she has a hospital appointment Monday which terrifies me honestly (expect more on that on Monday) .

What it all boils down to is im on the go from all day long, Rebecca barely naps anymore (today is a rare occurance, and while i should be taking a nap myself i really wanted the free time) which leaves me with not a moment to myself . Non stop for about 13 hours

When the kids are down i am normally to exhausted to do much , most evenings i take a long hot bath then just collapse into bed. For weeks i have been stressing over my online activities , i watch my emails build up into the thousands and blog posts doubling each day. I miss a days blogging and feel nothing but guilt . Last night in a rare moment of clarity i came to the realization that it does not really matter, why am i stressing so much over everything?

This morning i unsubbed from over half my email groups , i went through my blogs and cut them down to just 52 (from over 100) . This is suppose to be a pleasure not a chore . As much as i hate to do it im trying to relieve myself from “commenting” guilt. I love to read and i love to comment, i hate reading a post and not saying anything about it . These days im just trying to realize its not always possible. I apologies for this but am still reading and enjoying your blogs .

Now it just leaves blogging , im going to try and blog guilt free but im not sure i can change much on this one, i love blogging and want to do it daily - its just finding the time thats a problem.
I need to remind myself that going a couple of days between posting is not wrong and i should not try and keep up with those bloggers who can blog daily.

So now while i have this rare nap time im going to read some of your wonderful blog posts, not feeling guilty for not commenting on each and every one

Many times i have read a blog post or email with a retelling of this story involving the writers own kids. I have seen it in magazines and heard friends talk about it but i have always just sat there smugly saying “never happened to me”.

It happened Monday after nap, Eilidh woke up and as happens more often than not upon entering the room i could smell poo (who can tell where this story is going) . Finding Eilidh minus her clothes is also not that unexpected but finding her with nothing but a t-shirt on is.

I life the poo and pee covered baby out the cot and observe the damage, the poo filled nappy sits in the corner with at least half its contents smeared over the sheets, bedding and up the sides of the cot. Everything was soaked with pee leading me to believe she had rid herself of the nappy pre nap.

Clean up was not fun and of course Rebecca keeps having to remind us that Eilidh poo-d in the cot, so why do i feel that i have just went through a parenting milestone - something that every parent must go through at least once.

On a less disgusting note we bought a new car yesterday , Its a Vauxhall Zafira (see a picture of it Here although this is not the one we bought, ours is blue). As you can see its a much bigger car (7 seater) to fit our expanding family, with three children all still needing car seats we needed to upgrade from the one we had. Should hopefully be picking it up on Friday

Its currently 8.44am and i have -

Shared Toast and Tea with the kids (really Bagels and Cream cheese with yoghurt juice for them and tea for me)

Showered (LOL Not normal for me in the morning, i prefer an end of day bath/shower)

Ironed the girls and DHs outfit for the day

Gave the girls breakfast

Got the girls ready for the day

Cleaned every room in the house including emptying and refilling dishwasher , putting washing load on and brushing all the floors .

Blow dried and straighted my hair

Replied to about half a dozen emails

Wrote this blog post

Can you tell im feeling better

So it looks like its No NoBlo for me this month, im disappointed as i hate to sign up for something and not complete it . I guess its not the official month though so i can console myself with that

The last few days have been horrendous, the stomach bug had me feeling awful . Throwing up , unable to eat or move and just feeling like hell has been my life the last few days. I am so *grateful* for the support of my family.

Friday as i lay on the couch my sister more or less watched the girls all day then took them to my mums for Friday night dinner leaving me home to recover, they got back at 7 all fed and ready for bed. I really thought i was on the mend at that point. Of course Saturday i felt even worse and DH was amazing , not only did he take care of the girls all day as i lay on the couch but he cleaned the house and put all the clean clothes away. When he went to work my mum came down to feed and get the girls ready for bed.

Sunday was horrible, yes i did feel better but still could barely move. A long day followed by a “lovely” dinner of toast and beans (i know , i would never normally give them that) and all three of us in bed by 6pm. .

Today is so -so , definetly on the mend. I guess i just cannot believe how much this illness took it out of me , im wondering if the pregnancy did not help? I need to eat every few hours to keep my blood sugar up and i imagine going days between eating cannot be good. Hey im currently 8lbs lighter than i was last Wednesday .

Currently i am so far behind with everything, emails and blog posts into the hundreds with no hopes of catching up. Im going to be reading but more than likely not commenting for a while ,so know im still around

- Now im sick, feel like crap and want to die. Rebecca and DH fine and thought Eilidh was fine till she threw up the grapes she was eating all over the bedroom floor .

- Had my scan this morning and baby looks perfect, im either 13+6 or 13+3 according to measurements to due around 13th September, Im going to say 20th as im expecting to go late. So if you notice weeks and due date don’t add up you know why.

- Girls were weighed yesterday and Rebecca is now 25lbs 12oz and Eilidh is 20lbs 5oz

A very pretty little girl came to visit us

Everyone thinks Snow White is the cutest Princess around but this made mean Rebecca VERY jealous as everyone knows she is the cutest Princess around. Knowing Snow Whites biggest weakness she kindly offered her cousin an apple

As she took a bite of the apple Snow White started choking and fell back into a deep sleep.

As Snow White slept , mean Rebecca took her pretty dress and hid it.

When she woke Snow White was forced to put the only item of clothing she had in Auntie Laura’s house.