Future Fear
A date is looming over my head - the word September makes me shiver and i can hardly think “13th” (My official due date) without feeling scared.
Don’t get me wrong, i cannot wait to meet this little one and complete our family but getting from here to there seems like such a long scary journey . So much will change before “Mac” (As baby will be known for the moment) makes her/his appearance.
Most of it has to do with DH, his final exams are in May . 4 exams that must be passed first time, no resists or second chances - we have faith he will pass and graduation will be in July.
As for what happens afterwards thats the big question , he has applied for a PhD here in Scotland based on the work he has been doing for his final year project . Ideally he would love to take this, the biggest downfall is the money . It is plenty to live on but not much more than we have coming in just now, we really need to find a bigger home and will really struggle getting a decent mortgage with the PhD. He has also applied for different apprenticeships in Medical Physics -the downfall is these are in England and Wales but must better paid.
If he gets one of the Medical positions i imagine he will be taking that, that means not only redecorating and selling our current home but finding a new place and moving cross country while in the last few weeks of pregnancy . We would also have no support in this new place and the girls would have no choice but to be at the birth. DH would not be entitled to paternity leave (as just started in the new job) and from day one i would be left alone with my 3 children with no support - terrifying.
They are so many what ifs and i think its the unknown that scares me so much, this summer we are also facing putting Rebecca through more surgery. That scares me more than anything, we have no idea what will happen or how big the surgery will be - the worst case would have her spending time on a ventilator for a few days. This was hard enough when she was a baby but seeing our vibrant healthy 3 year old like that would be devastating.
If only i had a crystal ball im sure i could relax much easier .
March 30th, 2008 at 10:30 am
oh jeez, that is a LOT to process at any time, much more while you’re pregnant!
I really hope everything goes the way you need it to. Just think, by this time next year you will be doing fine with your three kids (I’m predicting another girl btw! :P)
March 30th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Just take it one day at a time. I know you are strong & can handle whatever comes your way.
March 30th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Breathe…it will all work out the way it is supposed to!
BTW - Sept. 13th was my due date for Addie, too! She was then born on the 9th, which was cool, b/c Em’s bday is the 9th (of April) as well…and Ad’s is 09/09…and mine is 05/05. Weird little stuff like that I think is fun!
March 30th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
(((((Laura)))))
That is a LOT to have on your plate right now. It all sounds a bit overwhelming doesn’t it? What I do know is that you seem to be quite the strong woman and I think you’ll manage to muddle through with whatever comes your way. And we’ll be here to support you!
March 30th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
So much worrying on your plate right now! Eeekk! Sending you thoughts of calmness and peace across the sea…
March 30th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
I think you’re absolutely right that the hardest thing is that so much is up in the air right now. There are SO many changes coming for your family, yet you really can’t plan for any of them yet. But you are a strong woman and you will succeed at whatever the future may hold. Just think - 6 months from now, you’ll be settled in with your new baby, maybe a new home, and a life which you couldn’t imagine being any other way.
March 31st, 2008 at 9:56 am
That is a lot on your plate! Wow. I hope Rebecca is alright. I understand completely about being in a place separate from your family. It’s hard, but you guys would quickly get into a routine. Good luck on the exams and getting the job that’s best for everyone!
March 31st, 2008 at 7:53 pm
It will all work out in the end- I promise
Try not to worry to much, I know that’s not possible, but concentrate on growing that baby. September does seem far away doesn’t it? But, it will be here before you know it.