Synchronization of Us

All i can is thankful its over.

It seemed so much worse than last time, i honestly thought it would be easier as we all knew what to expect but in the end i think that was the problem.
Rebecca was a star, she had only been 3 for not even 3 weeks and she just shows a maturity way beyond her years. She handled everything in such a dignified , beautiful way and just brings tears to my eyes thinking about it.

She knew what was going on and up till the moment they tried to put her under she was ok with it, DH went in with her this time (Rebecca’s request) and said it was horrible. They tried to put the mask over her face and she just struggled like crazy.
It was afterwards that really got to us all, normal procedure is to start to bring the child around then go and get the parents. By the time we are there they are just waking up , this time Rebecca came to a little early and just panicked.
By the time we got to her she was in a complete mess, she was struggling for breath and worrying us all. She went to Craig and just lost herself in his arms, she would stop crying and start to fall back asleep but her breathing was still all “wrong”. You know the way you get when you are really upset? Unable to catch your breath and gasping all the time? . Even once seemingly calm she was still doing this, you could see her throat collapse with each breath and her stomach muscles working hard.
We remained in the recovery room, just holding her and waiting till the surgeon was finished with surgery he was currently doing . Her stats remains steady and a nurse sat with us the entire time “just in case” . After a while she asked for a dummy , i did have some but those were in her hospital bag which was already in the ward. The hospital provided one and this helped alot, about an hour or so passed out and she slept soundly her breathing getting better and better.

Eventually we were allowed to leave and go up to the ward, she was awake and doing well . We think she had forgotten about the earlier incident and was hungry and wanting juice. She spent the afternoon lying around not really doing much at all, well except eat . Who says a little thing like throat surgery would come between someone and there food?

Around 4 she fell asleep again, she really did need this. All afternoon you could just tell how tired she was, when we woke her up at 5 she was just in a great mood. We removed the oxygen thing from her foot so she could walk around and play freely, she eat her dinner (and got upset when it was done) and was thrilled when her gran came for a visit.
She played around for hours , finally falling asleep around 10pm (i was SHATTERED and think i fell asleep even before she did) . Although we did have our own beds we slept curled up in my little one, between the cramped space , heat and noise i felt i barely slept at all.
By morning she was almost normal (except for her breathing still sounding off, almost like she is out of breath all the time. More on this in a moment) and we got home a few hours later. Yet again i think her favorite part was getting the IV removed and getting her circle plaster.

So that was that, but what did she actually get done? It was really the same as before, Dr K used lasers to separate the scar tissue that had rejoined. It was a ” vigorous ” procedure according to the doctor, even more so than before which has resulted in more swelling and hence the breathing issues.
None of us are very hopefully that it will work , even he was surprised that the previous surgery had done nothing to help (had made things slightly worse even ) and could see her throat was still inflamed from it . He is just wanting to try what he can before embarking on a more invasive procedure.

He is wanting to leave things for a while, he will see her back in two months at a clinic and we will discuss where to go from there. Maybe after a while when things really start healing we will see an improvement but we are trying not to expect to much .
Next step is using a tube in her throat for aslong as she can tolerate it , its a bigger surgery than the one she had done , he is hoping to do it endoscopicly (think thats how its spelt, basically not actually cutting her throat just going through her mouth) although he did admit he has only done it like this once before. She would have to spend a couple of days - maybe 2 or 3 - in hospital after it .
This would all be done after the baby is born which does mean DH staying with her rather than me but we will work out the details when it happens.

Just now we are just taken each day as it comes, we have two months till we have to think about it again and have so much more to focus on. At the moments we have strict orders to keep an eye on her breathing and try to get her to relax and rest as much as we can (Ha Ha, ever tried to get a 3 year old to not run around and play? TV and staying home helps but they still don’t stop much) .

She is doing great though , looking at her you would never know what she went through yesterday.

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The worrying was over nothing, they called back this morning before we had a chance to call them back. Turns out they just wanted to change the time, now instead of being there for 11am we have to be there for 8am.
While the early start doesn’t bother us i did prefer the later time as it meant Rebecca could have something to eat before hand. She is not allowed anything to eat after midnight now but if the 11 o’clock appointment had been kept she could of eat up till 7.30 - was planning to make sure we were all up early enough she could have a nice big breakfast.

Still nervous and unsure how she will be, its the problem with her not being as verbal as other children her age - she cannot tell us if she knows what is happening tomorrow. Im sure some part of her does get it, when talking about it she started going on about the circle on her foot - last time when they took out the IV the put a circle plaster on her foot so i do think some part of her has made the connection.
Bought her lovely new Peppa Pig pjs to wear and a Peppa Pig DVD to watch at some point . Hope those will cheer her up (Peppa Pig is her show of the moment).

Please could everyone send there happy thoughts this way, i will update when i get the chance.

I am not a patient person, i get very fidgety and annoyed waiting for …. well anything . I really hate it when its my own fault

Just after dinner tonight DH picked up the phone and noticed an answering machine message (i had noticed it a few hours before but as usual ignored it ) . He listened and a very short message was given that went something like this ” Hello this is Dr. Ks ( Becca’s surgeon) secretary calling, could Mrs McIntyre please contact…. ” and yes that is how it ended . No real information given , im not sure why they did not call back and try again. We did try calling a few times but noone answered . We have to wait till tomorrow to call back now .

The logical conclusion is that the surgery will not take place on Friday now, both DH and i are extremely upset at that prospect. Do i want my daughter to go through surgery? Not at all but i don’t want it delayed either. We have had to arrange my sister to watch Eilidh for the day, DH has taken two days off work . We have spent time talking about the surgery to Rebecca and in the end we would just be putting off the inevitable.
Of course this may not be the case, maybe they want us there earlier or later . Maybe they had a cancellation and wanted us there tomorrow. It could be a number of other stuff but we have to wait about 14 hours till we can find out .

We had a nice night planned, Craig’s mum bought us a wii as a congratulations gifts and we were finally going to get to sit down and play together . Now i know my mind will be elsewhere.

Roll on 9 o’clock tomorrow morning now (yes i should be blogging about my 28 week scan and appointment but have other things on my mind now, yes both went well and baby is happy, healthy and right on target)

I think im all out of bloggy material this week. Guess its because we are busy around the house, not much is happening and im trying not to wine and moan TO MUCH.
The girls seem to be loving this big clean, sounds bizarre but remember they are toddlers . Everything is getting reorganized just now, no spot in the house is left untouched and that means plenty of clutter and junk lying around . From long forgotten toys (baby swing and baby car seat have provided hours of entertainment) to empty cupboards to hide in . I thought this week would be a nightmare but they are making it kinda fun .

Of course come there bedtime im barely able to function through the tiredness but its so going to be worth it when done. I get excited with each bag of stuff i throw/give away and they have been dozens so far. Cleaning is good for the soul who knew

Its 7.14am, Eilidh is still sound and Rebecca is lying beside me watching Peppa Pig and for some reason i dragged out the laptop to blog

It seems that just days into the 3rd Trimester I’m experiencing all the downsides of it, the girls go to sleep in the evening and I’m to tired and sore to do anything other than veg . My brain cannot remain focused enough to do any sort of blog post.
I think the next 12 or weeks will be some long ones, sleeping is a nightmare . I’m hungry all the time but almost never fancy anything, need bathroom breaks constantly and everything just hurts . Was is this bad the last two times? I don’t think so (but how much do i wish i had a blog back them to really compare) , i do think part of it is my poor tired body just needing a bit of a break.
Silly thing is i complain but I’m nowhere near ready for this baby to come, he is still nameless and we have not even began getting ready. With Rebecca’s next surgery less than a week away we are just wanting to know how that turns out.

I also do think part of the problem is being go, go , go all day long but with two young children just stopping and doing nothing is not really an option. Of course we are also doing a massive declutter of the house just now so we can decorate (in preparation of selling) . Its a small flat and we are 4 people so its stuffed with stuff in every corner, its a long tiring job but when it is done im sure it will be worth it.

Now that i have complained and bored everyone , i will go back to feeling sorry for myself in silence

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Im now officially the wife of a Physicists. Craig got his results today and he PASSED. He got a second class upper honors degree or something like that.
Its the result we were all hoping for , and i cannot say much except im so proud of my hubby.

He is now starting a PhD come 1st August (well this is about 95% certain) and for the first time in a long time im looking at the future is such a happy exciting way. I just wish i could express how amazed i am by his right now, he achieved this while holding down a job and supporting a family of 4. He has two kids who idolize him , kids who love there daddy more than anything - i know many fathers who don’t have this and they don’t have any other commitments.

We are just home from Britiains Got Talent Roadshow and are all very tired. Will blog more tomorrow .

You can guarantee this household will be sleeping soundly with smiles on our faces tonight

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2am i woke for the first time, the house was silent and both kids were sound. I tried to ignore the aches in my bladder but eventually gave in to temptation.

I returned to bed and sleep was just about to once again over take me when i heard Eilidh start to stir, it was quiet at first but within minutes had turned into a full blown scream. I waited, curling up under the covers in the hope that she would either settle or DH would still be up and go get her. Neither happened so yet again i left the warm covers for the cold bedroom air.
I went to the bathroom (again, 27 weeks pregnant remember) and woke DH up from where he had fell asleep on the living room couch. He moved and i went to get Eilidh.
I stopped outside her bedroom door, she had stopped crying a few moments before and silence has been resumed. I let around 15 minutes pass before i went back to bed, she had obviously settled herself.

Remember earlier when i had returned to bed and was just about to fall asleep when the crying started? Of course the same thing happened again.

After another bathroom break i went and picked up a frantic baby, arms were immediately thrown around my neck. Her head rested against my chest and we walked through to the living room together. Tears in her eyes she looked up to me, so sad and started saying “juice , juice , juice” . Bad mum had removed her water cup from the bed for washing the day before and forgot to return it. When she was given her cup she drank for a long time, finally handing it back to me and returning to the snuggling.

I jumped at the opportunity to keep her with me, we both lay on the couch together. For a while i just watched her sleep, she was on her side as close to me as she could get. Her thumb was in her mouth and her breathing was so slow and steady , it was one of these huge mummy moments when you cannot get enough of them.

It was then i first heard it, a small scratching sound . It was quiet but consistent and at first i thought someone was outside. As the moments passed i realized that it was coming from inside the room, not far from where we were lying. The scratching would get more frantic and i could here something moving around. I was moving my legs in fear although i could tell it was not actually on the couch.

It was dark and late by then and i could not stop my imagination running riot, at first i knew it was a mouse . Just a little harmless mouse that had somehow found its way inside our house, then it became a rat - a big fat rat that was leaving poison in its wake. As the moments passed and the scratching and moving around kept going so did my imagination - what if it was a huge spider that was smuggled back in a suitcase from overseas? What it it was a monster ? An alien that would scratch at the walls night after night as it grew and planned its attack. Would we wake one night with this huge creature in the room ready to eat everything in its site?

Over and over my mind came up with horrible scenarios , i have watched to many horror movies and read to many books to just ignore the situation. I eventually move , i put Eilidh in her cot (much to her dislike) and return to the living room. I turn on the light and arm myself with a toy wand of the girls - it has a decent sized hard head on it and go and try to investigate the noise.

I cannot hear anything anymore, the creature obviously knows they have been rumbled and it keeping still. I slightly move the couch from the wall , nothing is reveled so i try the Pouffe and still nothing. The noise had sounded like it could be coming from inside this so i slowly open it , i can not bring myself to move the toys inside it around so let it shut with a slight bang. My heart is going a million miles an hour and its now almost 3.30 am, Eilidh has long since stopped crying and i just cannot bare being in the room another moment.

So i leave it, shutting the door tightly and creep back into bed with Rebecca and DH. I lie there awake for what seems like the longest times, my imagination is still going crazy and i worry about Eilidh alone and defenseless . Sleep comes around 4am and thankfully by morning all the silly fears have gone .

When Craig finally got up i talked to him about it, he had mentioned a few weeks back that he thought there was a mouse but as i thought i knew my husband and how squeamish he was i thought he had imagined it. He never mentioned it again and i forgot all about it. His response was so nonchalance, “Oh Yes” he says “I hear it ever night, think its living in the wall where the hole for the internet cable is” . My response is very much along the lines of “WTF” . We have a mouse living in our house and its not something he chooses to share? . “It doesn’t bother me” he says “never moves from the couch” .

Its not the feelings i can have, generally i think mice are cute but not when living in the walls of the house my children share. And what if it really is some wonderful creature that has never been seen before? Surely all these horror movies cannot always be based on a lie