Synchronization of Us

It seems we are in this for the long haul. Im not sure what i was expecting today but it honestly was not what we were told.
What i wanted to hear was Rebecca is fine, tomorrow we will be taken her off the vent and she will be home the day after. Yip you guessed it i was living in a dream world.

Whats really going to happen is Friday morning she will be taken for surgery, they are going to attempt a reconstruction of her vocal cords - its the same surgery she had done as a baby. They will be taken some cartilage from her ribs and using them to hold the vocal cords apart (this will be done through her throat ) . We are unsure how long it will be afterwards before she gets home, we are expecting at least 10 mores days on the ventilator after surgery then at least a few days recovery after that.

Looking at the very least 2 weeks but more like 3 before she is home. For the moment she is settled and doing well, on a cocktail of drugs keeping her from feeling pain and moving. The vent is doing all the work for her , her body has to do nothing but recover .

I am a bit of an emotional mess, the thought of not being able to hold her for such a long time is just heartbreaking. I just want to scoop her up in my arms and hold her, i want to be smothering her with kisses and having her melt into me like she was doing just two days ago. I even want the bad parts - i want to be fighting with her, getting frustrated and annoyed at how she is acting . I just want her home and well. Im not going to be whole again till she is with me.
Of course we also have Eilidh to consider, Rebecca needs us but so does she. Im so grateful for my family and there babysitting help , we just need to find the balance of spending time with Rebecca and not neglecting Eilidh . Tonight as hard as it was we left the hospital around 5.30 so we could get home in time to bath her and put her to bed (i think both Craig and i just needed to be around our youngest for a short while) .
Tomorrow we will not go in till almost lunch time and spend the morning with her , Eilidh needs to know that she is still a priority to us and very much loved. Ideally we would take turns going in and staying home but with my not able to drive its almost impossible - i would have no way to get through and we cannot afford for Craig to be making the journey twice. We have asked about temporary housing near the hospital but doubt we will qualify as technically we live to close .

It was *so* much easier when we only had the one child, we could spend all the time we needed with Rebecca without worrying about going home. I really do appreciate all your kind words and will try and keep the blog updated as much as possible, but for now im going to take a long hot bath and not look at the empty bed behind me.

9 Responses to “A Long Few Weeks”

Leave a Reply