Synchronization of Us

Just a quick note, looks like i was to soon declaring everything was ok. Rebecca had a bad night Sunday and Monday morning ended up being sick and taken back into hospital.

She had surgery today to try and find out the cause, her throat was in terrible condition - pretty scarily swollen. She is in ICU now on ventilation, its not life threating she will be ok - just no telling how long everything will take. She will be having more surgery in a few days time.

For the moment she is unconscious and will remain that way for the moment, Craig and i just got home - going to try and get some sleep and grab a cuddle from my youngest before heading back there tomorrow.

Will try and update when i can but will not really be around for the foreseeable future.

I can honestly say that its been a stressful , horrible weekend. I guess it started last week when Rebecca’s breathing once again became labored.She had to work hard for every breath , a couple of difficult nights followed . She was restless , noisy and very clingy.

It all seemed to come to a head Friday, it had been steadily getting worse through out the day. From the moment she was put to bed i could hear that nothing was right here. She was no longer just working hard to breath but struggling for every breath. Her throat and abdomen muscles constricted terribly each time and the noise she made was just not healthy.
For the first time she was upset over it, she would wake and clearly be struggling . She would cry (making it worse) then settle before repeating the cycle minutes later. She was panicking that much was clear.

Ever seen a 3 year old panic over there breathing difficulties? I hope you don’t as its nothing i ever want to wish on anyone.

I called DH home from work and he called the hospital where she had the surgery (Yorkhill), on there recommendation he took her to our local A and E. They recommended she was taken to Yorkhill and both DH and her got to ride on an ambulance.
It was *so* hard for me not being there, i think i will always feel guilt over it but i don’t drive plus someone had to be there for Eilidh. It was midnight on a Friday night, where was i suppose to find someone to babysit plus someone else who was sober enough to drive me to the hospital ?

She was taken to the A and E at Yorkhill and then admitted to the hospital for the night. Oxygen, steroids and a drip were given and they prescribed Adrenaline “just in case” .
The night passed and they wanted her to stay for another night to keep an eye on it and just make sure she was ok.

I finally got to hold my baby again yesterday morning and we spent the day and night playing together and hugging. She got home this afternoon.

She is doing alright, her breathing is still not 100% but the hospital are not sure whats wrong. They were ok sending her home aslong as we were happy with it. We just need to keep an eye on her and limit activities.

Honestly there is so much more i want to write about this ( i need to gush about how amazing and brave Rebecca is) but i have barely slept since Thursday night and am struggling to focus on the screen. Will write more tommorow

It seems the mad energy burst i have had this week is over. I was getting right stuck in with decorating, from climbing ladders to strip walls to painting doors.
Even better i was loving it .

Today i can barely move, its not just the pain (from over doing it, nothing to do with baby) but shesh the exhaustion - its a struggle to move from the couch today. I am hoping it is just over doing it as Rebecca seems to feel the same as i do, we both curled up and took a mid day nap today (while Eilidh was in her cot napping) . I want my energy back, so much to do around here .

A couple of good things have happened though, i had my 30 week check up with the Doctor (well im just about 32 weeks now but thats not a big deal) . To my surprise she was happy for me to have my homebirth, all along i have being saying i know it does not matter what she says (and it doesn’t , it does not matter what anyone says . Its my legal right to give birth at home and the nhs has a legal obligation to provide me with a midwife. I would much rather not have to argue this fact though ) .
Been organizing my birth pool and as said before doing the CDs , guess its really happening .

We have hit another milestone this week, im so proud to say Rebecca is now (pretty much) out of nappies (at least during the day) . She has been doing great at home but i had not braved going out and about without one. Finally got over that and she has not had an accident yet, no matter how busy she has been she has always stopped and went to the toilet.
I know that we will still deal with accidents, but for the most part its done. Its been much easier than i thought it was going to be .

Its 6.57am in non sunny Scotland. Its been roughly 7 minutes since Rebecca and i woke up.

Me? Im still trying to “come” to, just waiting for the kettle to heat up for a nice cup of tea.

Rebecca? She is a mad women apparently, Her nappy was thrown off as it was “done” and then came the bed covers and pillows (daddy as he normally does after work had fell asleep in front of the tv) . When i asked if daddy could come to bed? I was told in no uncertain terms NO .
Its now 7am exactly and she is using the bedsheets (the fitted type) as some sort of crawling /hiding space .A minute ago the bed was a trampoline.

Where do they get there energy from exactly?

Its seems liked we made cakes a few times in May . Such messy business though
Does anyone else not even try and stop there kids eating the mixture? For them thats the fun of it

(Ok this was scrambled eggs not cakes, still she tried to eat it)

(Um anyone think Rebecca is having fun)

Ok i don’t think i blogged about this, i have looked and looked and cannot find anything so if its a repeat im sorry.

For Rebecca’s birthday outing we choose a near(ish) Safari Park . With its parks, petting zoos and boat trips what else can a just turned 3 year old and one year old ask for?
We even got lucky weather wise and it stayed mostly dry and warm (sort of as in none of were freezing) throughout the day . The girls had a great time, we let them both walk and they just behaved wonderfully. Despite spending hours there we only got to see a fraction of the place, not even making it to the play park .
The just adored the “petting zoo” , once upon a time the animals got to walk about freely but now they are fenced in (for there sake, according to signs studies had shown they found the other way traumatic . You are still free to touch and interact with and feed them)

You can tell which of my children is the brave one though, Rebecca loved it but was not brave enough to get to near .

We spent hours there, its was the kids day and who were we to hurry them along . Afterwards they played around and we had a picnic lunck

.

The last few hours passed in a fun blur, we took a drive around the main Safari part and Eilidh just loved the deer. I don’t think Rebecca was much impressed with it all though , much to mature my girl to get excited over silly animals outside the car.
We also took a boat trip to see the Monkeys (kept on a special island) . Talk about excited - i have never seen Eilidh so up for anything and she was just dying to get on that boat. Water, Ducks - just squeal, squeal, squeal with excitement and im glad to say both girls loved being on the water and again behaved so well.

The only disappointment in the day was not getting to see and do everything we wanted to, hopefully another trip can be scheduled in before the summers end (if it ever stops raining)

After 5 long years DH finally got to Graduate yesterday . Seeing him walk across that stage and receive his certificate was definetly a moment we will never forget. After working so hard and for so long he deserved to have that moment of recognition .

It really was a great day, the kids got to join us for a celebration meal in the evening and we all fell into bed exchasted by the evenings end.

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Slight change of subject but expect lots of posts from me this week, i have finally got around to organizing my pictures (going back to May, how bad) and have found about a thousand imagines and posts from those . Going to keep it to once a day to not overwhelm but feel free to skip them, they will be labeled “Catch Up” .

I would write about if i could just find the words, or energy - or well both

1 - Its Craig’s graduation on Friday and i cannot wait to see my hubby up there collecting his diploma. He really deserves it and i can totally see myself getting all misty eyed. The girls are staying with my sister but that evening we are taking them and going out on a lovely family celebration meal.  I even get to go shopping for a new outfit tommorow .

2 - Finally the plans for the future are settled, Craig is going on to do his PhD . Something to do with Lasers but its a fancy title that i can never remember (that doesn’t make much sense to those not into physics anyway) .  It was a hard choice as its basically another 3.5 years in education , money wise for the moment we will be slightly better off but not enough to live completely comfortably . In the end though it feels like the right decision , not only will it be worth it in the long run but its what Craig wanted to do.  Its normal (ish) hours basically 9-5 Monday to Friday and he is not allowed another job. We will almost be a normal family.

3 - Natal Hypnotherapy seriously ROCKS , ok i can not vouch how good it will be for labor but for a sleep aid its amazing. Sure i fall asleep about 1/2 the time when listening to it but even those nights i stay away i fall asleep in moments . Im just so relaxed and comfortable , the last few months i have been struggling to sleep at night and this is like an answer to my prayers.

4 - How amazing Eilidh is these days, as full of life as she can be and just so funny,clever and most of the time completely insane . She chats all day long and seems to (think she) know everything, she is almost 20 months now and i forgot how much a great age this was. She has really been great lately with little tantrums or acting out . Its the silly stuff like the “chase” before naptime, she runs away and i have to try and catch her - after a minute or to of this she will run to her cot and try to climb in . I lift her in and thats that.

5  - How Rebecca seems to be changing everyday, im not declaring the surgery a success BUT its made a difference and its just hit us in the last few days. She is still husky and breathing a little rough but her volume button has definetly been cranked up a little. I really noticed for the first time the other morning when she was screaming (in a fun playful way) , pre-surgery her screams were silent - nothing would come out. Now there was a noise, and it was loud enough for me to hear from another room .She is also doing so well with potty training but its just outside thats an issue, i have to be brave and take her outside without a nappy on  - we have been using a pull up and she just uses it as a nappy.  The biggest problem is her attitude just now, she is acting completely 3 and well the fussing/moaning/whining constantly is really getting on our nerves. Not to mention the hitting and violence in general . We really have to toughing up on discipline.

6 - The great big re-do has started, we have started decorating the living room although i guess its un-doing just now as we are only stripping the walls still. Much harder job than you would think. Except for the girls room every other place needs done (which makes 1 bedroom ,kitchen, bathroom , living room and hallway) . It seems almost overwhelming just now but we are trying to do as little as we can get away with in each room , as soon as its done we are putting this place on the market.  We are thinking we will rent on a short term basis (6 months proberly) while we find another place to buy. Property prices and mortgages in general are crazy just now and its definetly not a sellers or buyers market. We just need away from this place.

7 - My sister gave me some clothes down yesterday, some of my old stuff that i had gave her. I was so happy to find they all fitted really well just now, most were a little big but just sat perfectly and were nice and comfy. Best thing was i bought these things a about 6 weeks after Eilidh was born, its a nice confidence boost to find the stuff are fitting the way they did then but now im 30 weeks pregnant .

Well it was going to be more but its getting on , just need to decide what to do first - hot bath or eat some cake?

I did have a long post planned for today but in the end im saying forget it, its a good day - DH ended up with an unexpected day off and at 2.35pm im about to go for a long hot bath while he plays and deals with the kids. Plus we will get to watch the series finale of Doctor Who as it airs. It can not explain how excited i am over this episode . Plus i realized i actually have something planned for every week day next week so its not going to be the long boring week i originally thought.

All i really wanted to say was today marks the beginning of my 30th week of pregnancy, only 10 more (or so) to go. The end is creeping up me just a little to quickly, i complain but i really could do with another 20 or so weeks to prepare. Started listening to my Natal Hypnotherapy disks in preparation for the birth (although so far have fell asleep everytime) and at some point in the next few days going to write my birth plan . Im both terrified and excited about having a newborn again. I know its going to be difficult after all i have a just turned 3 year old who has recently decided that she has gave us a much to easy ride for the last few years and start acting as if she is a normal 3 year old , then of course the not yet 2 year old who thinks she is the same age as her older sister .

Did i ever mention i just adore the rascals and really cannot wait to see what the third one will be like?

Im definetly avoiding blogging this week, i have been in a prissy mood and honestly am trying not to wine to much on here. I really don’t want people to think im an ungrateful bitch who does not appreciate everything in her life .

I do , i really do but seriously what the hell is up with Scottish weather? Can we not have at least a couple of nice, rain free days ? Lack of nice days means any of outside activities are off the menu.

What about going to some lovely indoor places? You mean the places that charge twice as much than they normally do as schools are finished and are so full of school aged kids that my toddlers would be pushed, trampled and ignored? Not that we have the cash for anything just now.

Of course Rebecca is suppose to spend the week in and taking it easy but being stuck in all week with two toddlers is not fun . I just think about next week and the week after and the week after that and all i see is more empty days with nothing to do.
Today both kids have been in hellish moods and i know i have been incredibly short tempered . I have spent the last few days trying to design my own wordpress template and somehow Becca managed to erase half my index file . Rather than trying to salvage it i just deleted the whole thing (emptying the recycle bin to) . I cannot tell you how much time i put into it and now its just gone. I will just be staying with pre made ones for a while yet.

Of course its not all bad, the kids are both well . Rebecca is recovering nicely and her breathing gets a little better everyday. Craig also officially is starting his PhD come August 1st, sure its another 3.5 years of studying but at least its full time hours with a full time wage. His graduation is a week a way and the one bright spot on the horizon.

Right now im going to grab Rebecca and get her to bed (yes its 8.07pm at least an hour after her bedtime, another one of these days things) and go for a long hot bath and hopefully soak away this mood of mine .