Synchronization of Us

So much for Nablopomo getting me back into the habit of blogging again . My only excuse as always is lack of material , sure the kids kill me with the stuff they say but it seems to slip my mind. I should use Christina as an example and jot them all down to i get enough for a post.
Although it did make me giggle tonight when Eilidh innocently said to A

“I have a d*i*l*d*o now” (without the stars of course , don’t want it to become a search term for my blog)

She was pointing to her sore knee with a plaster but i have no idea what she really meant.

This is not what i was planning to blog about

I have been thinking of my future plans lately , i know Midwifery is still what i want to do . Study course is going well and i have no plans to quit. But i have decided to no longer apply for 2010.
My original plan as stated before was to apply for 2010 not expecting to get in , qualification wise i will be fine but i know they look for experience in applicants.
I would not have been a strong candidate for 2010, i may not make it into interview stage . I have been thinking what if? , what if i somehow got in ? . For months have been telling myself it does not matter i would take the place and love it . Now i know it is not true , babysitting A (2 next week) and just reminded me how young a 2 year old really is and i just don’t think i would be able to leave Ru then. At 2 he is likely to still be teething and not sleeping right , he will need me so much and will hopefully still be breastfeeding . 3 is completely different, not that he will not still need me but 3 year olds are just so much more independent . I could see myself leaving him at 3 but not 2.

My mum says she would be fine with either year but i feel 2011 would be better for her , both girls would be in school and come the January Ru will be in nursery . Just all around 2011 would be much better for us all . I think in my heart i am just not ready to leave my baby day in and day out.

I worry a little about my age , i would be a few weeks shy of 30 if i started 2011 (and that is if i get in then , it could be 2012 or later) . I worry about Craig finishing his Phd and us having to move away (which is something i both want and don’t) , what if all the hard work is nothing and i get in then have to leave 6 months down the line?

I am still going to submit my application but for a deferred entry 2011 , in an ideal world i would get in and be able to enjoy the next almost 2 years knowing i would start then. If i don’t get in then i have the next year to improve on it , finish my course and start some more studying (though the Open University which would be free for us) . Start training to become a breastfeeding counsellor in March and will try and work on that as much as possible, hopefully attend anti natal clinics and work with mothers post natal. Then if it some point i feel Ru is ok with it may look for a little part time job , they universities know how hard work experience in a maternity ward can be to come by so look positively on any care related experience. Maybe a little job in a nursing home or something?

Guess i should stop here, Becca getting upset and wanting her bedtime stories

2 Responses to “Thoughts”

Leave a Reply